


self-inflicted achromatic

by sarangx



Series: monsta x fantasy au [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: All the cuddles, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Changkyun is Sad, Fantasy AU, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Platonic? maybe, RELIEF CUDDLES, Relationship - OT7, Romantic? maybe, SUPPORT CUDDLES, Sleepy Cuddles, Sof Boys, Songfic, Super Soft, all of my stories have happy endings bc i am weak, changkyun isn't used to affection or love, his hyungs love him a lot but he doesn't believe it yet, lmao forgot to tag that for a sec oops, lots of quiet crying and Hurting, none of the members die tho dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 02:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarangx/pseuds/sarangx
Summary: ❝Just by living I’m hurting them another dayHundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything❞〈 〉❝In the end, the smile you give to meRight when I wanted to give it all upAnd I really do wish that I didn’t❞〈 〉❝Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping meWhy can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?❞





	self-inflicted achromatic

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't done a songfic for a whileeeeee,,,, please read this with low expectations lmao

**_I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can_**  
**_I wanna be the person that you think that I am_**  


when they first found changkyun, he was suspicious.

it wasn't like they blamed him for it or anything. in fact, they weren't all too surprised by it. his vigilance was evident even from the few months they had kept a close eye on him. the whole six of them, however, didn't expect for him to stay that way for so long.

they had joined one by one, growing close startlingly fast. even shy hyunwoo had become more attached with everyone. even if changkyun was the last to join, it still took him so much longer than everyone else.

he was just so _stubborn_ in keeping to himself. they hadn't even figured out what he could turn into until they actually had to find out on their own several weeks later. they were astounded by his sleek scales and strong wings, starry-eyed as they had watched him go into lazy swoops and low twirls. minhyuk and jooheon were the ones who had called attention to themselves, waving their hands and grinning. changkyun had been flustered, quickly shifting back and shying away from the compliments and exclamations the others had shouted.

"why didn't you tell us!?" kihyun had asked, eyes wide as he looked at their youngest in awe. he was also kind of upset, angry that they had only just then found out.

changkyun had merely shrugged, averting everyone's eyes. it was so painfully obvious how uncomfortable he was- with his fidgeting and translucent smoke rings lifting from his nose every now and again. his clear anxiety was what made them back off in the end.

all the members wanted was for changkyun to at least try and get closer. they knew he could do it, after all.

_**But even if I had it all come true like a dream**_  
_**Is the person I came to be the really real me?**_

_**So young and simple, wishing like things would come true**_  
_**Now as I am, I understand it’s best I die and soon**_

they knew that changkyun was cracking. they saw it in his half smiles that seemed to glow the tiniest bit. they saw it in the way his eyes would come alive with mischief when minhyuk and hoseok and hyungwon were arguing. they saw it in how his mouth would begin to open to say something before he had thought about it again and closed it. they knew they were getting somewhere, at least.

when he first said words that weren't strained or puzzled, it was a rainy spring day. dark clouds were heavy with rain as breezes began to set in. the glass panes had been closed of the laundromat part of their base was located in, but the soft pattering of the droplets seemed to not be enough for changkyun. he had opened the windows, eyes shining a subdued amber as he gazed into the sky of grey. he had set his chin on his palm as he studied the view with meticulous eyes.

the only other people in the room were hyunwoo and hoseok. hyungwon had gone out to make sure all of his woodland buddies had found a safe place, and minhyuk was with jooheon in the other half of their base in the tenement across the street. kihyun was probably gathering more supplies and buying groceries.

"i like the rain," changkyun had said softly, dangling his hand out of the window to gather the raindrops that poured from above. his eyes still hadn't moved from their resolute spot in the sky. he had pursed his lips then, seeming to think before hesitantly continuing. "...do you guys like it?"

the other two were too shocked by his lead of a conversation to respond. hyunwoo and hoseok looked at each other with stunned eyes, never having expected changkyun to say something on such a dreary and peaceful day. the youngest seemed like the type to keep to himself even more on days like these. so yes, there was a bit of a delay in replying.

"ah... yeah! sometimes it makes me a bit sad, but it's a kind of nice sad, i guess?" hoseok had said, beaming gently. his eyebrows were furrowed as he had answered, struggling to word it the way he wanted to.

changkyun gave a nod in agreement, shifting his eyes from outside to look at the older. "do you think a water nymph creates the rain, or do you think a bigger entity does it?" he wondered aloud, curious eyes focused on hoseok's large brown ones. "or can you tell when it's going to happen? you are a water drake, after all. but in this world, is rain and water two different elements?"

"i think that rain and water could be considered as different elements, but very closely related," hoseok explained, "like a subcategory i guess. with just having the powers of water, it's much more broad and you have a variety of skills to use. but with rain, you can only specifically use that. and from the few skills you get with rain, they are a lot more effective compared to the many skills and powers of water."

"yes, like smoke can be considered a subcategory of air," hyunwoo piped up, "it doesn't mean that it's any more important, though; subcategories are actually a lot more rare. the four main elements are the most common, which is why people think of fire, earth, water and air first. the more common they are, the more subcategories they have."

changkyun drank all the information in, eyes wide with bright ardor as he listened intently. "so hyungs, is magma a subcategory of fire or is it an individual rare element like light?"

the three of them spoke with one another enthusiastically, both of the hyungs more than happy to answer changkyun's strange inquiries. they never would have thought changkyun could be so talkative about something, and could think up so many unique questions.

they continued their conversation until changkyun had abruptly stopped when he heard the door unlock and the scent of kihyun fill the room. he retreated into himself again, biting his lip from asking anything more. he turned back to the window, much to the disappointment of hyunwoo and hoseok.

_**Just by living I’m hurting them another day**_  
_**Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything**_

changkyun froze as explosions echoed everywhere around him. sparks flew from broken windows, more glass shattering onto the ground with the ashes of fallen houses. smoke ascended into the dark skies, sparkles of amber flashing in their wake. screams reverberated as tears fell to the ground from the innocent bystanders who had only wished to walk around and maybe meet with friends.

**and it was all his fault.**

he suddenly collapsed to the ground, much like the tall condominium that had once stood proudly. he curled in on himself, breathing in the smoke that had no effect on him. he accepted the quickly approaching heat from the fires that blazed so brightly. he despised the way their flames danced in some kind of joyful way. he absolutely _loathed_ how they seemed so _fucking_ carefree and so _fucking_ ecstatic over causing so much destruction. they flickered haughtily, seeming to laugh in changkyun's face as he laid amongst the debris. who were they to spit in his face? who were they to act like they knew shit about him when they clearly didn't?

"changkyun-ah! what the hell are you doing!?" the panicked voice of hyungwon filled his ears, though he was too drained and so ultimately _exhausted_ that he could do nothing more but contorted his body even more and let black tears gather in his eyes.

**_Nobody wanted me, no one there to need_ **  
_**If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed**_

_"how many times do i have to tell you that hayfever is caused by three different types of pollen, not one?" changkyun's father yelled, fed up with how his seven-year-old son just couldn't seem to understand how pollen was released and which kinds caused allergies to act up. to him, this was as easy as breathing._

_little changkyun hung his head in apology, honest to god trying his best to understand the weird formulas his dad always seemed to incorporate in these lessons. but he was too young to comprehend the square root of pi, much less the basis of photosynthesis and pollination. but the elder didn't seem to think that way._

_"no dinner tonight then. you're going to read all five of these books tonight instead." thick textbooks were plopped onto his desk, their slam echoing and causing changkyun to jump in surprise and dismay. each book was at least three inches thick, miniscule font filling the pages with small visuals showing up every now and again._

_no other words were spoken; mr. lim only walked out of the room with his head held high as changkyun opened the first page._

_**Just by leaving I’m helping them another day** _  
_**Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything** _

"changkyun-ah! changkyun!" hyungwon continued shaking him, soon knocking him out of his trance. tears were now rolling down his face as he inhaled heavily. he didn't need this right now- he just-- he had to _go._

changkyun found enough strength in his body to force himself out of hyungwon's grip, smoke rings rapidly flying from his nose as scales bloomed across his skin to protect him from the toxic air. but before he got too far, hyungwon grabbed his wrist, confusion in the older's eyes as he gazed at the wyvern shifter with concern.

"i'm--" changkyun shut his eyes for a moment before reopening them, "i'm so sorry, hyung."

with that, he bolted off. he needed to get away. he needed to run, and run, and _run._ he had to go and make sure they didn't get caught up more than they already were. they deserved to laugh and smile and joke. they didn't deserve to be around _him._ he was too noxious for them, too polluted, too corrupt.

**_Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see_ **  
**_Things like that would never happen for me_ **

"my son! there you are!"

changkyun's blood ran cold at the voice. he became rigid, nostrils flaring as more scales flushed across his skin. he'd never admit it, but his heartbeat quickened when he heard the firm footsteps of his father approach him. he looked up, boldly meeting eyes with similar brown ones.

"i'm glad i finally caught your attention!" mr. lim grinned, motioning to the burnt houses and frayed grasses that was the only remains of the fire that was continuing to burn bright.

"what do you want?" changkyun asked flatly, gaze unwavering even though his skin crawled with uneasiness the longer he stood there. he wanted to get this over with.

that didn't seem to be the response the elder wanted, as his eyes narrowed with irritation. his stance straightened- probably to give off an air of superiority- and blatantly _glared_ at changkyun. his hand came forward in a flash, leaving an angry red mark in its wake.

"it seems you've forgotten your manners in the time you've been away," he growled, eyes watching changkyun carefully.

said boy did nothing in response. without even a flinch, he had taken the slap. but he had lowered his eyes in obvious submission, knowing all too well how it was going to end anyways.

**_Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through_ **  
**_Like this I’ll fade without a trace, it’s for the best I do_ **

"ah, that's better," he smiled cruelly. "now that i have you here, i might as well take you home, no?"

he made it evident that changkyun didn't have a choice in the matter. he was going back to the house he called his home for fourteen years. he was going back to the place of exasperated shouts and long nights and starvation and apologies. and this time, he was probably going to be experimented on too. that was probably the main reason his father had come. changkyun just hoped he didn't know about the other members.

his father began walking, not even turning to look if changkyun was behind him. the latter followed obediently, quite frankly not really surprised. he suspected this to happen; that's why he had forced himself to distant himself from the others. oh, how he wanted to feel apart of a family and feel loved. but he knew deep in his heart that it was farfetched and would never happen. not when mr. lim was alive. changkyun was trapped and they both knew it.

**_Just by leaving I’m no one for another day_ **  
**_Hundred lives, never changing them or anything_ **

**_Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me_ **  
**_Then could I have it all back in one piece?_ **

they were dully walking up a hill when it happened.

it was sudden yet subtle, in a way. the fashion in which the winds slowly picked up and the rain gradually became more and more potent. changkyun was the first to notice. he could tell those techniques from a mile away. and he was absolutely _terrified._ surely they wouldn't--?

sure enough, hyunwoo's griffin form swooped by, causing winds to whip up and churn the leaves and debris. hoseok's drake form was soon seen as well, tail raised as water pelted down from above.

"oh, what's this? did my changkyun find some more abominations?" mr. lim sneered, looking to changkyun as he did so. the former didn't seem to be all that alarmed. if anything, he was amused.

"don't call them that please," changkyun muttered, mustering up the courage to speak up on behalf of his... sort-of friends. he could stand being hit and cussed out and everything, but he truly couldn't tolerate it when innocent beings were caught up in the crossfire; especially the members who genuinely considered him something close to a friend.

"call them what?" his father questioned, knowing full well what he meant but wanting to hear his son say it anyways.

"abominations," changkyun complied, shifting his feet a bit in nervousness, "they're not- they're not like me."

"you? do you mean like, a monster? a mistake?" the scientist taunted, smirking at the bowed head of his son. "someone who was just a failed experiment? a murderer? someone who killed their own mother? why yes, you _are_ quite unique in that sense, changkyun."

changkyun swallowed down the lump in his throat, choking back tears. it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before, after all.

there was an abrupt stream of magma cutting through the path they were walking, alerting changkyun as soon as he had seen the ground giving way to heated rock. he backed up, silently hoping his father hadn't noticed.

but luck wasn't on his side tonight.

mr. lim easily hopped past the trail of steaming magma, intrigued by its origins and how it worked. he was too late to notice, however, the winds blowing him forcefully into a thorn bush that had mysteriously grown itself.

he fell down with a furious shout. while he was down, jooheon's misty body floated towards him. an easy grin was seen on his face as he offered changkyun a hand.

**_Just by living I’m bringing you another day_ **  
**_Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?_ **

changkyun looked back at his father, biting his lip as he thought over it. he _really_ didn't want the others to get stuck in this.

"hey, we're a team, remember?" jooheon said lightly, still having his translucent hand out. "we're gonna figure this out _together."_

changkyun stared at him with so much disbelief and hope that jooheon could feel his body becoming more solid. the younger accepted the hand, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to not look back at his dad who was still struggling to get up from the bush. it seemed hyunwoo's winds were relentless in the matter.

and right before jooheon took their youngest to safety, kihyun blasted mr. lim with a burst of magma that melted even the grass underneath him. minhyuk was quick to join in with his flames, unblinking at the screams of agony from the older male.

**_In the end, the smile you give to me_ **  
**_Right when I wanted to give it all up_ **

with that, they were back at their cozy base in the abandoned tenement across the street from a dilapidated laundromat. silence hung thickly, and changkyun was still breathing heavily from the whole ordeal. he still couldn't believe he was _here_ and not with _him._ it filled him with so much mirth that he thought he was going to cry. he couldn't believe that people had actually _saved_ him. that had never happened to him before. changkyun wasn't even familiar with having some kind of semi-close bond, much less... whatever this was.

"changkyun-ah, who was that man?" hyunwoo was the one who broke the silence, eyes focusing on their youngest wholeheartedly.

changkyun could feel everyone's eyes on him, could feel their concern and worry and curiosity. and he just couldn't _understand_ it. why were they so worried about him?

"my father," he decided to answer truthfully, voice coming out lower than usual. it was about time they realized, anyway. they stayed with him far longer than he expected. it made him feel guilty for distancing himself so much. but to him, he felt it had been necessary; his father was a dangerous person.

"your father was the one who said those nasty things to you?" kihyun spat bitterly, eyes glowing a bit red from fury.

"a-ah... i didn't know that you had-" changkyun cut himself off, biting his lip to combat the many emotions stirring inside him. "sorry."

he was caught off guard by the hot arms of minhyuk encircling him. but his skin seemed to be more mellow, instead letting out a pleasant heat. it was warm and cozy and so _safe._

"did he slap you?" hyungwon suddenly asked, eyes directed to the red mark that was still blazing a bright crimson.

changkyun slowly gave a silent nod, eliciting quiet gasps that had been failed to be stifled. he could feel tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill over at any minute. he _knows_ that he was fucked up, that he came from such a fucked up background that most people couldn't even begin to fathom what he had been through. he hated that no one could relate to him, but he was also grateful not many people had to go through what he did. he had deeply hoped and prayed that the members wouldn't have to witness that, but it seemed they already kind of did.

"oh baby..." kihyun tenderly cupped changkyun's face, smoothing over the irritated skin. the younger couldn't help but lean into the touch. he was so exhausted and tired. he shut his eyes instinctively, a few black tears dripping down from his eyes.

jooheon came forward to hug changkyun from behind, managing to materialize himself enough to register as a solid form. hoseok began stroking changkyun's hair gently, winding the hairs between his fingers before petting them back into place. hyunwoo pat his thigh as a sign of silent comfort, hyungwon playing with his fingers to ground him.

changkyun let himself sink into their warmth, reveling in the feeling he had never felt before. a few content smoke rings ascended from his nose while a quiet rumbling reverberating in his throat, resembling that of a cat purring.

"you don't have to tell us what happened, but just know that he's gone now, okay?" kihyun murmured, wary to not disrupt the calm that had set over their maknae. "you're safe with us now. we're a **family.** "

changkyun's breath caught in his throat, tears falling more rapidly at the word. his eyes were wide as he looked at kihyun, lip wobbling as he took in the words. "i've never had a family before. what's it like?" he whispered, blinking like a small child who was learning something new.

**_And I really do wish that I didn’t_ **  
**_And all of the moments I tried_ **  
**_Just to die said goodbye_ **

kihyun and the others gave a saddened smile, eyes full of sympathy as they gazed at their maknae that deserved the world and so much more. they knew how he was so kind, so gentle. they couldn't believe he had to live with that monstrosity of a man for so long.

"a family is... it's somewhere you can feel safe," hyunwoo spoke up.

"it's a feeling of trust and love that you never want to let go of," minhyuk added.

"it's when you place so much faith in someone that you know that you can always go to them no matter what," jooheon continued.

"it's the feeling of knowing everything will be okay," hoseok said.

"it's a figurative place that you call home, even if you don't have a roof over your head," hyungwon piped up.

"it's right here. _this_ is family," kihyun finished, smiling fondly at changkyun. "and we're not going away."

**_Just by leaving I’m no one for another day_ **   
**_Hundred lives, never changing them or anything_ **   
**_Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me_ **   
**_Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?_ **

"you promise?" changkyun mumbled, holding his pinky up.

the others curled their pinkys around one another, stamping their thumbs. "we promise."

and changkyun knew that he had found a family after all.

**Author's Note:**

> someone: "yah! when are you gonna be writing shit that's NOT focused on changkyun?!"  
> honestly, who knows? i'm working on jooheon's solo installment for the mx fantasy au right now, so i guess then?? but me, being a lowkey vocaloid nerd, couldn't help but gather inspiration from the lovely jubyphonic's english cover of "self-inflicted achromatic" so here i am. 
> 
> kyun's one of my ult biases and i don't want to force myself to write stuff that i don't really want to when i can write about someone else. so for now, just enjoy the abundance of i.m fluff and angst. don't resent me too much; i still have to write my other children's pain~  
> ;)


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